I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
