I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize