Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
