Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
