Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sobbing to NWA
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
