Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
