Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
