What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
