my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
