Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
