And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
