even my farts smell like vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
