Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
