Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
