if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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