it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
