I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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