i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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