Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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