I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
