hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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