i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
