I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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