As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
