Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
