my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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