do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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