he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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