Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
