He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
