Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize