I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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