it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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