Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
