My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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