Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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