I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
