I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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