she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
