I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
