oh god the rape fog is back!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize