Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
