i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
