Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
