Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The Olympian is in my bed
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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