how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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