her vagina looked like bernie madoff
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
