I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
