you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Two words: blizzard sex
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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