she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
