he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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