I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
