We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize