we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
