somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
