Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
