Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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