is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
