I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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