I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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