Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
