Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
