This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
