I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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