Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
