why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
