Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
