We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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