i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
