Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize