Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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